So I said WTF

We had this cute little stress seminar at work the other day.  I could not attend this cute little stress seminar, however, because I had too much work to do and was out of the office doing that work.  (Yes, you read that right, I said: I was so stressed knowing that I was missing the cute little stress seminar because I had too much work going on…stressing about stress and how not to be stressed because I missed the seminar that would have given me all these cute little anti-stress tools to use.)

A colleague filled me in on what I had missed: think of stress like a cup (what does yours look like?  Mine?: like one of those promotional cups given away at Triple A baseball games, tall, opaque plastic) and think of stressors as items that fill up that cup.  Once the cup is full, the stress levels become overwhelming and then we start to malfunction due to high stress.

I can take this a step further.  Let’s say that the stressors in my cup have fermented and I drink the fermented contents and then I’m drunk (because, coincidently, my tolerance for alcohol and stress are similarly low).  And when drunk I do stupid things, really stupid things.

Like cuss at my boss.  The stressors in my cup fomented and spilled out and I malfunctioned.

We all got an email from my boss (well, not directly from my boss, but from my boss’ designee to send the email, who then CCd my boss on this email) that we all thought was cryptic and confusing.  Instead of walking out of my office, down the hall to talk with my coworkers and laugh about it, I did this.  I hit REPLY ALL on the email and then just deleted the email addresses of coworkers who would not appreciate my reply.  I then sent this message to everyone that was left: WTF?

My boss replies back within seconds: Excuse me?

And though I didn’t shit my pants right then, I knew that my life was close to an end.

I’ll pause here so that you can ask: How, how could you have possibly CCd your boss on this email??  Answer: Because she had already been CCd on the email—BUT I TOTALLY MISSED THAT DETAIL and so she was then part of the REPLY ALL.

And though I didn’t immediately shit my pants, I said over and over oh shit, oh shit oh shit. Since I thought my life was close to an end, I responded honestly to her; I apologized that she was CCd, for the “foul” language, but told her what I thought of her decision.

So, after 2 days of drama, this situation ended as well as possible and my boss and I are tenuously interacting again.  But this makes me wonder two things:

• It seems reasonable and even likely that I may have a problem with authority

And

• I truly believe that now is the time that we make change in the ways power is distributed, used, understood and insulated in the work place.  Particularly in work places that are working to create social change.

So, what are your thoughts?  How do feminists and Jesus followers do business?  Do business and change the world ethically?

(And, oh, I guess, if you have thoughts on my problem with authority, maybe I’m a little open to them.)

But as dysfunctional as I am when I’m so stressed, I think that it foments in me the will make change.  It’s part of the drive that says WTF, it doesn’t have to be like this…wistful sigh (it does have to be like this until something else pays for the mortgage and diapers).

These will be topics of future posts, I assure you.  I’m still just too anxious now to continue thinking about it…And still waiting for the moment when I’ll be able to laugh about it.